Boys I NEVER LOVED, entry #7 or entry #1, depending on how you look at it

With all this complicated love going on, I think we need a break. Its time to spread some unlove.

When I was a Senior in high school, my seminary teacher asked if I and another chosen stooge would go over to Granite High School to compete in “The Dating Game.”  I was totally excited.  This is a game I knew I could excel at.  The guy would be behind a screen and not see me.  This was the first advantage I had.  My scintillating wit and brilliant mind would finally get me a date!  For those readers who are not old enough to remember “The Dating Game” on TV, the person choosing the date would come out with prepared questions and ask them to the three people sitting on stools behind a dividing wall.  The questions ranged from “What is your ideal date?” to “What animal would you say describes your kissing style?”  The person would then choose their date from the three and usually they would get a prize to help them on their date. You can even see Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger choosing dates on YouTube.

I was really nervous to go over to another high school.  I remember that I didn’t get chosen in the first round, but remember feeling relieved when I came around the screen and saw the boy.  In the second round, John asked some interesting questions and he chose me.  When I met him, I thought he was cute.  He had Erik Estrada hair and a nice voice.  We went out to dinner that week.  John kept asking me out, so I went. We went to a lot of places and got along fine.  There was a Girl’s Choice dance coming up, and not having any other prospects, I asked John.  I borrowed a dress from my friend Sue, plaited my hair the night before so it would be curly, and John picked me up.  I don’t remember much from the night except watching John dance.  He was the strangest dancer I had ever seen.  He jerked and twitched all over the floor like a pudgy robot.  The good thing about John, though, was he was completely uninhibited.

See me with John the Mullet Head?  I'm the one on the right flashing gang signs.

After the dance, we all went and saw Laser Led Zeppelin at the local planetarium.  Laser lights danced to the music.  On the way home, I saw something on the floor of John’s car.  I picked it up.  It was beautiful.  It was a blown-glass orb with some designs in it.  I held it up and twirled it around so the light from the streets hit it. 


“This is beautiful, John.  What is it?”

John laughs.

“What’s so funny?”

“Seriously, you don’t know what it is?”

“No. What is it?”

John laughs again and keeps laughing.  I’m a little irritated.  Finally, he gives in.

“It’s a bong.”

“What’s a bong?”

Now he’s really laughing.

“You use it to smoke.”

“Drugs?”

“Melonie, I’ve been stoned every time we’ve gone out on a date.  Couldn’t you tell?  Man, you should see Laser Zeppelin when you are high. It was awesome!”

Suddenly, all those times when his eyes were red, when he acted weird, when he danced like a freak, everything came back in a rush….and I got mad.

“Are you telling me that you have been driving me around this city while you have been stoned?  YOU HAVE BEEN DRIVING WITH ME WHEN YOU WERE HIGH?  PULL OVER!   LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW!”

“Melonie, calm down.  I’m fine.  Its pretty much worn off anyway.”

“LET ME OUT!!!!!”

We were a couple of blocks from my home at that point and he wouldn’t slow down or pull over, so I yelled at him the rest of the way.  He walked me to the door and I told him that I didn’t want to go out with him ever again.  I remember he called to apologize the next day, but by that point, I didn’t care. 

This just proves that naiveté can go a bit too far.   I didn’t even know that I was being taken for a ride.  I have two consolations, however… 1) I got a story from this experience and 2)  I never kissed him.