Gift from God Number Sixteen

"Hey, we're moving forward right?"

Sometimes I feel as if I'm moving along so slowly in my spiritual life.  I blunder along, wondering if I am headed in the right direction.  I wander.  Sometimes I don't think I'm moving at all.

Perhaps I think too linearly.  I need to think about my spiritual self in circles instead - encompassing rings that expand and contract - embracing new ideas, new insights, perhaps falling short and contracting - expanding again after repentance. 

Perhaps I don't need to think about my spiritual life in any way at all.

Perhaps I just need to be.  

I remember moments in my childhood when I just accepted myself completely - there was no feeling of the cultural prod to "make goals," "move foward," or "better myself every day."  

My father built a large shelf in the corner of my closet.  The end of the closet was shaped like a pentagon. "Its a perfect place for you to sit," he said.  It was perfect.  A gift from my earthly father. I hung a light from the clothesrod, put a little pillow down on the shelf, and set my current reading fare on the shelf above me.  After pulling the hanging clothes closer, I could stay there for hours.  I probably did. Many times people would come in my room, looking for me.  I wouldn't answer from my hidden space.  I was too happy. 

I'm going to count those moments there as gifts.  They'll remind the adult me that I don't always have to be "striving."  It is okay to rest and listen and be still with who I am. 

Just ask Moses, even God called himself that.