Today I was compared to Lot’s wife. The comparison is valid. No name of my own. I am a pillar of salt. I am bitter. I am Mara. I am chunked into thousands of pieces of tiny particles. I am not whole. I stand turned back at my life and my longing and I am broken. The rain could easily sweep down and dissolve me. I am a pillar, unable to move, unable to walk – I stand immoveable in my bitterness.
I try to make this blog happy. I try to put out the funny, good things, but sometimes life is just plain hard. I haven't written in a few months because the things I'm going through are just consuming me. I'm spending any free time I have on my knees. They feel like hollow bird bones.
I hope someday I can come back to writing on this blog with happier words. I hope God can fill me with comfort and wisdom. I hope the carving He is making with my life right now will someday be seen as something beautiful. Right now, I am just raw and so, so tired. I'm a "tree taken down." I'm sure there are harder things to come. God give me the strength to turn away from my bitterness and face them in faith. God take away my Mara and grant me a new name.
5 comments:
Mel, I'm so sorry things are hard now.
Wow! I had no idea you were going through anything. Please, let me know if I can help in any way. You are loved, just remember that.
I love you. Right around the planet, straight through the middle and around again. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
I love you Mel! You CAN DO this! I know you can. I hope you know you ALWAYS have a shoulder to cry on. I am here, I am here,I am here!!! I LOVE YOU!
Adding you to my prayers tonight Melonie. I'm so sorry.
"They feel like hollow bird bones" - what a haunting identifiable feeling.
I think you are full of light - you, your words, your thoughts. Sending love to you.
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