HALLOWEEN COSTUME REVIEW 2011

I considered not putting up the Halloween Costume Review post.

I know, I know, don't weep into your pillow yet, because I am reviewing as you can see. However, I have been a bit perplexed how far my moral standards should go in regards to this blog.  Its a conundrum.

The Halloween Costume Review is slowly descending into moral decay.  I searched the web to find new costumes and am stunned at what I find.  Hence, reader, be warned of what lies ahead.  We will start with costumes that shouldn't be too difficult for the standard reader.  As each comes up, you might want to close the window.  I'll warn you.

HERE IT IS!  

THE 2011 HALLOWEEN COSTUME REVIEW

or 

WHAT NOT TO WEAR THIS HALLOWEEN!

Preparing for Plastic Surgery?  This costume should NOT be part of a couple's costume set when your partner goes as Jack the Ripper.

Can you see this Tatoo Man?  Yeah, all the people I know with Tatoos look like this.

Do NOT go as Julie from the Love Boat unless you are the HOSTESS of 

the Halloween party, of course.

Fat bagpiper, that blows.

Every boy wants to be an ASStronaut when he grows up.

Finally, someone's "giving a Rat's A**."

What a pearl of a guy.

If you wear this, you won't be able to reach out and eat any of the hors d oeuvres.

If you wear this, you will be the hors d ouevres.

Perhaps the ice cream lady can help him out.

I don't know why this one bothered me.  They just look too happy to be beef.

THIS SECTION IS THE "PLAY ON WORDS" COSTUMES:

Guesses?  Look on her head.  "Bubble Gum stuck under a Chair."

Very, very clever.

Perhaps these are too blurry....sorry, but you get the idea.

"ONE NIGHT STAND."

"Tiger Woods" would be honored.

WARNING!  This section has to do with children...

Roadkill.  

Please do not dress your children in costumes

that have intenstines dragging on the ground.

Instead, dress your children in a hero's costume.  Like this one:

or this.

Don't know what to do with your baby?

If he's a lobster, you can just set the pan down and walk away for 

a few drinks.  Free babysitter. 

Doubles as a centerpiece idea for the upcoming holiday.

That baby didn't spit up.  That is an alien head coming out of his stomach.  What a wonderful way to reuse that old chicken suit.

WARNING!  Stop now if you don't want to see anything doing with birth and men's interpretation of it.

At least he got to be wheeled around all night.

I have no comments, except even this Elvis interpreter

might not make it in Vegas.

DOUBLE WARNING!!!!! The next section has to do with genitals.

In my humble opinion, no costume should have anything to do with genitals.

Is this Richard Nixon?

Looking for a large monkey.

Is it worth a comment? 

I had a few in mind, but decided that I just can't put them in writing.

Do not go as an Italian waiter

or as penis man.

Do not attend this Halloween party.

I don't know what these two are, but since there were large round things involved I decided to put them in this section.  Although I would probably give these costumes a prize at my Halloween party, I am NOT advocating wearing them.

FINALLY, THE LAST COSTUME YOU SHOULD NOT 

WEAR ON HALLOWEEN 2011:

I tried to convince the Pizza Delivery Man...

when he came to the front door, that I was practicing putting on my Halloween costume, but somehow I just don't think he believed me.

HALLOWEEN COSTUME REVIEW 2009

Its that time of year again, when taste and decorum go out the window.  I look forward to it every year. Remember this review of Halloween costumes a couple of years back. Let's see what the new and upcoming costumes are for 2009.

Let's begin with something mild. Then we'll move deeper and deeper into the offensive.

This is called the BIG KAHUNA. What's wrong with this costume, you ask? Well, nothing really. I just wanted to provide a baseline before we begin the actual journey down the road of the mentally ill.


If you really want to make a statement when you walk out of a room, please purchase the ATOMIC WEDGIE.


If you like words that rhyme, please wear the STUPID CUPID costume.


Look carefully and you will see the FART O' METER. This costume will be handy in those Halloween social situations and you can use it later in your sons' bedroom.


What would the Pope say about THE PREGNANT NUN?


We are almost to the point where even I don't want to go on, but say hello to THE DOUCH BAG.


Boy, is he ever HUNG LIKE A HORSE. Pass this man some oats.

(I just have to add as a caveat here, do you think this model was proud to land this job or what?)

I think my family and I have been to this restaurant. Glad, they've immortalized it in this costume...DROOPERS. How very clever.


Hey, let's dress up like a piece of poo and stick a halo on it and call it HOLY SH**!


I know there is more we can do with that piece of poo costume. Let's stick horns on it and call it BULLSH**!
(The genius is staggering, is it not?)


Against my better judgment, I am showing you the last and final costume...THE SNAKE CHARMER. Can you imagine this man standing at your door and saying those endearing words, "TRICK OR TREAT?"

SO DAWN GOES DOWN TO DAY. NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

AUTUMN IN REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The following hundred photos are of my family and how we spent some of this fall. It's our favorite time of year!

What did you call me? A little Hasidic Jew Boy? I'm a MORMON!

We braved going to the Weber canyon for the weekend. It was cold, rainy and wonderful to be up there with just our family. We got in a few good walks. A funny thing happened. I turned on the oven to preheat it and about 10 minutes later smoke was pouring out of it. I opened it up and there were chocolate chip cookies (now black) that Dianna had left in the oven the week before. umm, umm, good.






My Mom turned 65 on October 6th. We had a little party at my house where we made a whole lot of noise and raced rubber eyeballs down the wall. I'm sure she is very glad to have us all out of the house.









HALLOWEEN REVIEW
Want a candy, little boy?

Halloween was wonderful this year. I had all the decorations up on September 29th and taken all down on November 1st. Now that is a record.



Is this a trick or treater or J.?

We finally bought a new house.

My upper half.

My lower half as seen by my four-year old.

The boys showing off their stash. LET THE TRADING BEGIN!!!!!!!




FACELESS WOMAN BRAVES HARROWING TRAIN RIDE!
Last Saturday, we decided to brave a three hour train ride on the Heber Creeper. It wasn't very crowded and we got to drive up the canyon, take the train down the canyon, spend a half hour being cold at a park with locked bathrooms, take the train back up the canyon, and then drive back down the canyon to home. Now, do we know how to spend a Saturday or what? Here is proof of our excursion. These were the comments afterward:
Jim: "If I ever beg that we take a train ride to Denver or something longer than an hour, please remind me of this trip."
Mel: "I carried a Batman backpack and changed a poopy diaper on a moving train. Can we go again next week?"
older son: "I got a huge rash with white bumps that flared up 10 minutes into the ride. It was all over my neck and legs. I had to wash myself with non-potable water which then dumped out onto the tracks. Cool."
middle son: "It was fun."
daughter: "I just wanted to sip hot chocolate and look like Paris Hilton sitting by myself near the coal stove."
baby son: "Was that really Thomas the Tank Engine?"